Nightmares from the Bottom
exorcising demons from the mind
My life has aligned itself in a way that seems to have surpassed my wildest dreams… pun intended. I still wake up everyday in awe that this is the story I am gifted to inhabit, but it’s a whole different topic in what it has been like to actually fully receive this golden ticket, but that story is for another day. Lets jump right into my dream realm, although I wouldn’t suggest it.
My entire life I’ve had vile nightmares. Like I’m talking straight out of the insidious horror movie kind of vile. The energy is always so palpably evil and has a wide range.
Oh a few examples you ask?
Laying in a pool of my own blood and having to remain as still and silent as possible when my murderers came back so they didn’t try to kill me twice.
Being lucid in my dreams and telling the demons to go away but they laugh in my face.
Dreams about being put to death.
Dreams about terrorism and the mangled bodies as a result of that.
Witnessing murder.
Staring evil in the face and feeling like its melting my insides with fear.
I would also say that about 65% of my dreams include entity like creatures and 45% of them have humans.
Read through those again and but experience them in your head as 10x darker and more demonic now.
When I started dating Tom, my nightmares seemingly vanished. It amazes me how much he calms my fears and eases my soul. I’ve had a few in the last 3-4 months but there’s been a significant decrease in frequency. But here I am up at 6:30 am (that’s early to be up for me, remember vampires operate in the night) refusing to go back to sleep because I don’t want to return to the nightmare realm that I just so luckily dug out of. This dream was so horrific that it more so pissed me off honestly.
This dream was set in a dungeon like cave (a lot of my nightmares are subterranean) and I was with a group of people led by this strung out, diabolical woman. Think the Cynthia doll from Rugrats incarnated. She had a basket filled with folded up pieces of paper with our names on it paired with how we were going to be tortured to death. I was lucid and decided to stay in the middle of the pack to try to remain unnoticed when suddenly one of the men in the group mocked her saying how stupid this all was and she said perfect you’re going first then. She proceeded to douse him in kerosine and light him on fire. We all stayed silent as we watched him in agony. I remember thinking in my head that this is just a dream and that if I get chosen then it will all be over quickly. It’s interesting, I’ve had many dreams where I have to mentally face that the end of my life is right in front of me and I’m sure you can imagine how heavy it is that I seriously have to contemplate that, it feels so real. The woman left after that and it was implied that every day she would be coming back to choose her next victim. I woke up after that (thank the heavens) and felt that familiar fearful energy running through my body which turned into being angry because I literally bought new herbs yesterday and did a cauldron ritual to banish evil, clear my energy, and soothe my dreamworld.
The past few days I’ve been thinking about my nightmares and have talked to Tom about how I feel called to be an exorcist of sorts, to clear heavy energy. There was a link missing, though, because I don’t feel it in the way of being an exorcist that goes to peoples haunted homes and banishes evil spirits. Fast forward to last night and I was reading a book on alchemy (The Philosopher’s Stone: Spiritual Alchemy, Psychology, and Ritual Magic by Israel Regardie if you’re wondering) and the most peculiar line jumped out at me.
“Psychotherapy is a modern therapeutic technique whereby an individual’s “personal demons” or addictions are exorcised by counseling, mental exercises, behavior therapy, suggestion, and sometimes even medication.” For those of you who don’t know I went back to finish my bachelor’s degree in psychology this past August. The lightbulb flashed and it just all makes sense. I am here to exorcise the demons of the mind. I liked the phrasing of that, it resonated with me. My 20’s were spent fighting with myself tooth and nail struggling deeply with my mental health and alchemizing my pain into power. There’s something deeper that’s calling to me though. There’s much more digging to be done because I feel like there’s gold to be found, perhaps the philosopher’s stone. This all feels illuminating and I’m excited (scared) to see where this thread will go. But as a Jupiter-Pluto in Scorpio in the 9H person, I feel like it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be at.
That is all.
